


it's okay, hyung

by jeonism



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Drug Use, Infidelity, M/M, Sad Ending, Sex, Smoking, Underage - Freeform, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 15:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10924542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonism/pseuds/jeonism
Summary: through everything that kyungsoo did, it was okay to jongin.





	it's okay, hyung

**Author's Note:**

> hi so, lowkey abusive relationship. a lot of warnings. jongin loves kyungsoo way too much. not a healthy relationship. it was a writing prompt, so i took it. dont read if you feel uncomfortable with this sort of thing. mentions of unprotected sex, drugs, drinking, the whole jazz. yeah. alright. also, not beta'd or even reviewed so maybe there's mistakes.

It started when they were just kids. Kyungsoo hyung was adorable, with a cherubic face, wide brown eyes, and a smile that melted hearts. Kyungsoo hyung was everyone’s favorite, he was handsome from the very beginning, and never failed to win over the hearts of people with his lovely, velvety singing voice. Not to mention, Kyungsoo was probably the kindest little boy anyone ever met. God, did everyone love Kyungsoo. Even now, ten years later when Jongin is seventeen and Kyungsoo is eighteen.

 

Jongin has been in love ever since. Nothing much could change Jongin’s feelings for Kyungsoo, probably not even the man himself. Jongin could be stubborn, sometimes. 

 

Even the one time when Kyungsoo got his first girlfriend. She was a very lovely girl, nearly impossible to hate, and Kyungsoo was always caught giving her the most fond looks. It was not until they realized that their short, sweet, and innocent relationship was long overdue. It was nothing serious, and Kyungsoo was not sad for more than two days. His hyung was not heartless, or a playboy, but it was a mutual understanding. Jongin was sure he hurt a lot more than Kyungsoo did. Especially when one day his hyung rested his head on Jongin’s shoulder, and whispered, “It’s quite alright Jongin. As long as you’re my best friend, we can stay together forever, right?” There was a teasing lilt in Kyungsoo’s voice. He hadn’t meant it, not in the way Jongin wanted it to mean. 

 

So when Kyungsoo asked Jongin the next day why his whole face, especially his eyes, were so puffy and why he was so tired, Jongin didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth. Jongin could not bear to tell his hyung that the reason he looked and felt like shit, was because he spent the whole night crying himself to sleep. So that’s why Jongin waved off Kyungsoo’s brief concern with a shaky smile, saying, “It’s okay, hyung.” 

 

Jongin still loved Kyungsoo.

 

Even when Jongin spotted Kyungsoo going out with his other friends that were his age, when Jongin had asked to hang out earlier but Kyungsoo told him he had to study and couldn’t go. Many times this had happened, but Jongin was never mad. Jongin saw how Kyungsoo laughed with absolute mirth whenever he was with his other friends. Kyungsoo was all moon crescent eye smiles and heart shaped laughter, whenever he was with his other friends. 

 

One time, Jongin had stumbled into the ice cream parlor, with his small niece holding his larger hand. Earlier, Kyungsoo had told Jongin that he would be busy preparing for his college entrance exams, so he couldn’t hang out with Jongin. Upon entering the small shop, Jongin immediately spotted Kyungsoo laughing so hard, tears were coming out of his eyes. Jongin forced his eyes away immediately, and nervously placed an order of strawberry ice cream for his oblivious niece. Eventually, when Kyungsoo had managed to calm down from his bout of laughter, he noticed Jongin standing there, holding the hand of a little girl.  _ Weird _ , Kyungsoo thought,  _ didn’t know Jongin had a babysitting job. _ Although, most importantly, Kyungsoo realized that Jongin was offering him a small, albeit, shakier smile. Quickly, Kyungsoo came up with the excuse that he was simply reviewing notes with his friends, Chanyeol and Jongdae, as they were in the same grade and had actually been studying together. Not seeing a single textbook, or even a backpack, Jongin only nodded, still not having spoken a word. Then, Kyungsoo offered a small smile, before imploring, “Didn’t know you were a babysitter, Jongin! When did you manage to get your license for that?” 

 

Pursing his lips, Jongin leaned down to wipe his niece’s mouth that was sticky with pink, before answering, “I’m not a babysitter. This is my niece, hyung.” The corners of Kyungsoo’s lips fell, and now he was frowning.  _ Had Jongin told me this before? _ A small “oh” was all that managed to leave Kyungsoo’s lips, still stunned by this new information. Before Kyungsoo could say anything else or try to apologize, Jongin rushed, 

 

“You must have forgotten. It’s okay, hyung.”

 

Months later, Kyungsoo had texted him. Jongin was surprised to see a text from Kyungsoo, despite claiming to be best friends, Kyungsoo slowly distanced himself from Jongin in favor of hanging out with Chanyeol and Jongdae. It hurt, but that hurt seemed to dissipate when he saw the text notification and special ringtone he had set especially for Kyungsoo, go off. Although, upon reading its contents, the hurt was no longer the dull, constant pain in his chest, it was much worse.

 

_ I have a boyfriend now. It’s Chanyeol. _

 

The text had read. Jongin didn’t know Kyungsoo liked Chanyeol. Hell, he didn’t even know that Kyungsoo wasn’t straight, or at least, in his experimenting phase. What had been a burning, dull pain in Jongin’s chest, was now an angry fire spreading throughout his entire body. The burn of the tears behind his eyes was almost as bad as the burning in his heart. Jongin was completely ready to just cry himself to sleep, after mentally having a self-deprecating speech, of course, when his phone went off again. Another message from Kyungsoo. 

 

_ Please don’t hate me. Please accept me. _

 

Sniffling back large amounts of snot and with huge, fat tears blurring his entire vision, Jongin managed to respond to Kyungsoo.

 

_ It’s okay hyung.  _

 

The relationship didn’t last long. Chanyeol was mixed in with all the wrong people, and frequently pressured Kyungsoo to follow in his steps. Many times, following in Chanyeol’s steps meant smoking cigarettes and blunts, drinking enough to almost make you go through alcohol poisoning, and having unprotected sex. Eventually, Chanyeol cheated on Kyungsoo with Jongdae, who had been in the game with Chanyeol far longer than Kyungsoo had even known them. It was heartbreaking to see Kyungsoo sob so much, not even because he loved Chanyeol, but because he had fucked him over so many times and he could no longer do anything about it. 

 

Except, old habits die hard, they say. Eventually, Kyungsoo got himself stuck with some other guy. Sehun, Jongin believes was his name. Unlike Chanyeol who kept all of his habits on the low, Sehun was easily spotted as a walking disaster. For some reason, Kyungsoo allowed himself to be swept off his feet again. The situation was the same, a repeat of the tragic past, and Jongin was back in the shadows. Sehun was older, so he was already in university, which meant a lot more trouble. A few times Jongin would see Kyungsoo usher himself out of class because of a bleeding nose, and then that’s when Jongin realized that the small bag of white substance in Kyungsoo’s jacket wasn’t salt or sugar, but something more dangerous. 

 

After two years of hell with Sehun, Kyungsoo managed to leave him. By now, Jongin was a freshman in university, while Kyungsoo was a sophomore. After years of a damaged and estranged friendship, after Kyungsoo left Sehun, he came running back into Jongin’s embrace. Jongin half expected this, but at the same time, he had not. Truthfully, Jongin was sure that Kyungsoo had managed to forget about him. So almost as if nothing happened, Kyungsoo and Jongin were back to being best friends in record time. 

 

Despite having left all his problematic boyfriends in the past, Kyungsoo couldn’t quite kick the habit of going to parties every weekend where he would get completely wasted. Many times, Jongin had to act like the hyung, and go pick up Kyungsoo from the many parties he attended. However, one night, Kyungsoo fell asleep on the ride back to Jongin’s apartment. When Jongin lifted Kyungsoo up and had carried him to the elevator, and down the hall to his front door, he couldn’t help his adoring gaze set towards Kyungsoo. Jongin loved Kyungsoo still. Jongin could be stubborn, sometimes. 

 

At last, setting Kyungsoo on his couch, Jongin whispered a soft “I love you” before leaving to his bedroom.Even if the only way to confess his feelings was when Kyungsoo couldn’t actually hear him, Jongin thought it was still okay.

 

If it was for his beloved hyung, then it was okay. 

 

Weeks later, Jongin heard the special tone he had set exclusively for Kyungsoo, start going off from his phone. Scrambling to pick it up, Jongin answered, already hearing the loud blaring of techno music in the background, signalling Kyungsoo was at a party again. Ready to tell Kyungsoo he would be on his way soon to pick him up, he was abruptly cut off. 

 

“Jongin.”

 

Kyungsoo sounded suspiciously serious, maybe even a little sober, but Jongin new better. Kyungsoo’s voice was the slightest bit shaky and breathless, which signalled that Kyungsoo wasn’t actually sober. Jongin almost reprimanded himself for knowing Kyungsoo a little too well. Jongin managed a sound of acknowledgement, but he was secretly feeling a ball of nervousness pent up in his lower stomach. 

 

“Jongin, I just want you to know that, that you can stop hiding now,” Kyungsoo paused, stumbling over his words. “Like, you need to let me go Jongin. You’re so in love with me, and I don’t know why you think I don’t notice it.”

 

Tears immediately welled up in Jongin’s eyes and his breathing was uneven. Kyungsoo continued, “It’s pathetic. You know Jongin, it’s pathetic and stupid that you thought I didn’t notice your stares and the meaning behind your gifts. You were so sad every time I got into a relationship, you’re a dead giveaway Jongin-ah,” Kyungsoo hiccuped, slurring his words. 

 

“I didn’t want to confront you like this, but well, you get bolder each day. I heard you confess when you thought I was asleep. But, tell me something I don’t know, right? Anyway, now that you know this, I want you to let me go. I can’t love you back, and well, it’s quite funny you thought I would. Honestly, you’re so boring Jongin-ah. So dull, you’re like a little puppy, always doing what others tell you to do,”  A pause and Kyungsoo seemingly taking a drink of something. 

 

“Whatever though, just let me go. If not talking to me is what helps, then delete my number. I don’t really care. I don’t love you Jongin. Let it go.” Kyungsoo stated, so matter of factly, that it seemed almost comical.

 

With those words, the line went dead, and so did a part of Jongin’s heart. It all happened so fast, Jongin could not process anything. Kyungsoo knew, so he left. When he left, he took a part of Jongin’s heart with him. 

 

Sitting through the night, clutching his pillow and releasing heart wrenching sobs was all Jongin had done for many days. Possibly weeks. Jongin was frail, heartbroken, but most of all, embarrassed. He should have known that Kyungsoo would find out. Jongin felt stupid. 

  
Although, if this is what Kyungsoo wants, then it’s okay. Jongin still loved him. Jongin could be stubborn, sometimes, foolish too apparently. If it was for Kyungsoo hyung, then it was okay. Jongin could do it. 


End file.
